Birth of Avalon

It has been a LONG time since I have been able to blog... I have a LIST of blogs in my head and will attempt over the next few weeks to get them all down :) This will be a fairly detailed blog so I will remember it all.

Grumpy

I want to start with the birth of my daughter... chronologically it is not the first blog but I want to make sure I get all the details down before I forget some!


This is the picture taken the day before she was born...


I was READY lol


I woke up on October 16th at 10:30 am. I wanted to cry. I was sooo sore! My back hurt and I was having so much trouble getting out of bed! I just wanted to cry, thinking I could not take one more day! I got up and went to the bathroom and tried to curl back up and sleep.  I then realized I was too hungry to sleep. I looked over at my Greenman and debated on whether I should let him sleep or ask him to make me breakfast... ;)
I decided baby and I needed food more than he needed sleep when I thought "damn it I have to pee AGAIN".
I sat up and my water broke... EVERYWHERE. Well Michael was getting up anyway! My water broke at 11:05
I jumped in the shower while we started to get ready to go to the hospital.   
***There is a side note that needs to be added here. Avalon shares her birthday with her Aunt Lynnie. Lynnie tweeted at midnight that her hubby had given her a gift and that her birthday had officially begun. She had been telling me for weeks that I needed to wait until the 16th to go into labor. I then asked her if I could finally have her now. After showering I looked at my timeline. At 11:00 Lynnie tweeted "@Drfeather Tell her I said it's go time. :-)"***
I called my doctor (Dr. Pierce) and she said we could either go to the hospital or wait until contractions were regular.  I decided food and time to get totally ready was really important (we had to get Drea ready too as she had broken her leg... a blog I can not wait to write). Around noon contractions had started for real starting at 3 minutes apart. They remained 3 minutes apart for an hour when we called the doctor to let her know we were heading to the hospital.
We arrived at the hospital at 1:30pm. We checked in and were told yes we were indeed in labor and 3 cm dilated. We arrived at the hospital knowing that because I had tested positive for Strep B (a common infection but dangerous to newborns and new Moms) that I would need iv antibiotics  for 4 hours.
IV was started and we headed to the delivery room. I was ready. Contractions on the way to the delivery room became INTENSE! When we arrived I had to transfer to the new bed... I crawled onto the bed on all fours. My body started rocking back and forth naturally and I let nature take its course. It helped relieve the pain too. As they were transferring everything and getting the room ready they asked if I wanted a Yoga ball or to get in the tub to labor. It was then that I knew it was time to push.
The nurses and resident did not believe me. They kept saying that I had just been checked and I was only 2 cm. I told them I was ready and was going to give birth NOW. They found a doctor who asked me to lay back so she could accurately check me. I have to admit I was disappointed. Had my doctor been there she would have let me labor and deliver on my knees. After I maneuvered onto my back I remember telling Michael that if I was only 3 or 4 cm dilated I was not sure I would be able to deliver naturally because the pain was sooo intense! He said the perfect words. He reminded me that if the pain was that intense that meant we were almost done ;) I love that man!
When the doctor checked me she said... wow she is 9cm... oh she is crowning... here comes the baby!
she asked if I could move down... I said "fuck no!" and then I left this world. I was done screaming (not gonna lie it was INTENSE) and then I breathed through three pushes and my beautiful daughter was born!!! Avalon Sidhe Fox was born on October 16, 2011 at 3:14pm 8 lb 6 oz and 21.5 inches. And now for the photo bomb. 

Just Born

Already holding Daddy's hand!

I loved her from before she was born.

Look Michael, we did it!

First Family Portrait 

Getting checked out.

weigh in

First Picture with Daddy.

Aunt Drea 

Aunt Aliza

Finally in our room and alert.

Being Born is HARD WORK!

HeatherWorld

There are many people in my life who, while visiting my home, claim they are in "HeatherWorld."
My home, my world is a sanctuary.  It is also a place of healing. Greenman and I are both healers. We are conscious of the energy we create in our home. I have been told often by people they needed to stop by to get some "good energy." Recently a friend said she was "free to be" who she is/wants to be when she is here. It made me think. Yes my home is a place to be free and yourself because that is who WE are.
But many people do not live their lives freely. They do what people "expect of them," they live by "other people's rules." 


My Greenman and I are co creating our lives. We are playing by OUR rules. We were at a local poly meeting and decided to order dessert, then realized that we were not satisfied and ordered an appetizer. Others at our table had ordered food before us. We had finished our dessert and our appetizers arrived as their food did. A woman commented that we were smart and why not order dessert first?  I explained to her that she was used to following other peoples rules. I, on the other hand, live by my own rules. I do what is best for ME, and now that includes my family. 


I mentioned we were at a Poly gathering. This is another place in my life where I do not "follow the rules."  My Greenman and I are Polyamorous. I like the way that Wikipedia defines it. "Polyamory, often abbreviated as poly, often described as consensual, ethical, or responsible non-monogamy." This does NOT mean we sleep around, we are NOT swingers.  If we were to have a relationship outside of our relationship it would be thoroughly discussed, with all parties. We have a healthy sex life and communicate our needs. A third would not be about sex but a relationship.
I like what Greenman recently posted about our relationship: we are busy preparing for the birth of our daughter, we are happy and not looking for a third, we are open to the possibility. I think that perfectly describes our relationship! We are ridiculously happy. But while I love him and can not imagine my life without him, I know that I have room for love and sharing love. Also as a soon to be divorcee (woo hoo) I know that love is flexible. My son was conceived and born with love. I loved his father dearly, but we have grown apart.


I am glad that Greenman and I have so much in common and that we have similar goals. We are co creating our world together. Which is why I know that one day we will have a third in our life, with two powerful people co creating our world with such powerful energies combining nothing stands in our way :)  We need to come up with a new name for our Sanctuary... its not just "HeatherWorld" anymore. 

Meet My Family

Me and Avalon

"Family," that is such an interesting word. It usually denotes parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins and the like including your "family."
I do not speak to the man who helped bring me into this world. He did the best he could but that was not enough  for the person I have become. I am better in my world without him. Its funny because I have a large "family" but my Aunt Marianne is more like a second mother and best friend to me. Her family, Uncle Ray, and my cousins, Amber and Ian are the only ones I consider when I think of family. My Aunt has been with me through every crisis I have had in my life. She has been there to support me in all ways. She has been the "wind beneath my wings" since the death of my Mother, her Sister. The rest of my "family" I have little or no contact with, the absence of their drama and judgment is comforting. With the birth of my daughter coming many have started to reenter my life. I am nervous about this but welcome their love and support. 


I have dear friends that are more like sisters to me than the sister who shares blood with me. My dearest friend Amy just lost her baby Karma. I wanted nothing but to be there with her. We do not see each other enough or talk to each other enough but our friendship is strong. With the upcoming birth of my daughter I want her there. Distance separates us but I miss her daily.


There are others in my Life that I treasure. I have GREAT friends! They are the kind of friends that you drop everything for, which is why they are still in my life. I have one friend who said "I saw your post 'I have 70 pounds of peaches'  that is a friend emergency and I am here." We blanched, cut and jammed peaches for HOURS.  I have friends here in Rochester, and 2 friends in NJ and others over the country! Some of them are closer than any family I have had. I know that when this little girl comes her Auntie Kelly will rock her and hold her and love her! I know that when she starts toddling around Chloe will help her find fairies. I know that I will be able to work semi part time because someone will always be willing to hold my baby for an hour or two and love her as we do. I live in a home because I have a wonderful friend who was able to help provide me with such. Have I ever mentioned that I am Blessed??
But my immediate family consists of my Greenman, our furbabies and our Unborn Daughter, oh yeah and that teenager who, lives with his father and is VERY much a teenager! My lovely son and I do not always see things the same way. His father always tells him... "well you know... your Mom is 'different.'" We look forward to his visits... mostly. His latest visit has been fun as he helped prepare for the birth of his sister.

My Greenman

My Greenman, Michael, is very much like me. He has disowned most of his family and we share the comfort in the lack of communication with our families. It is wonderful to have a partner who has the same feelings as I do. We have similar beliefs and values. We look forward to our future together and have a gazillion goals that we strive for daily. We can do anything as long as we do it together.

My Beautiful Son, Tyler

Tyler: My soon to be 16 year old son is growing up. He is very much like his father in his everyday actions, but then he lives with his father too. I love my son more than he will ever know and am comforted in the fact that he may even recognize that... in about 5 years lol. He is a strong headed, smart boy, who hates mornings... all just like his Mom :) I am proud of my son. I love him and wish only for more time with him.

Our furbabies are:

Mimzy

Mimzy: our 6 year old Black lab. She also responds to the name "Mommy's Girl", because she is just that. My sweet puppy has gotten fairly grey since I brought home our newest addition, Montana, and I am sure when our daughter arrives more grey will appear. She is wonderfully protective and such a loving dog. I rescued her too, as she rescued me.

Montana

Montana: our 1 year old tiger, small horse, or Great Dane Puppy (call her what you will). We adopted her from our local shelter and she has become Michael's dog. She worships him in only the way a dog can. What is even neater is Montana is Michael's first dog... you know what they say... "Go big or go home!" ;)

Sparrow

Sparrow: My garden protector whom has already made a few guest appearances in this blog. He is an amazing mouser also. He is the hunter in our group.

Ji Ji 

JiJi: who is Sparrows brother. My beloved JiJi disappeared for a year and came back to use beaten up, with a broken but healed leg (now deformed) and is sweeter than ever and just wants to be loved. We indulge him CONSTANTLY :)

Chulac

Chulac: who I have nicknamed Choochlac. He was Michael's cat (who am I kidding... he still only likes Michael lol) He is our beautiful long haired boy. He is learning to tolerate me and my affection because I feed him too. Right now he is loving the freedom to roam outside and comes in briefly to eat.


Romeo: is our roommates new cat but he is loving and sweet and a new addition to our "family"




Be Blessed <3

the way life should be...

Dragon Ritual Drummers

Recently my boys and I attended a Pagan Festival. There should have been  a gazillion people there... the Dragon Ritual Drummers were performing!
( http://www.dragonritualdrummers.com/ )
The tickets were only $5 in advance! It was a beautiful day in a beautiful place. The day started out rough (teenagers that were not excited about waking up before noon can sometimes have an attitude) but with such good energy at the festival even their moods could not remain negative :) There were not as many people there as we expected but all the people there were awesome.


The Pagan community can be cliquish and full of rumors unfortunately and I braced myself and wrapped myself in protective layers... and did not need to! We had such a wonderful time! We played the drums that I made myself, hung out with some of my favoritest little people in the world,  (who I had not seen in TOOO long), had various body parts painted, saw lots of wonderful people, saw performances by belly-dancers, had hula hoop lessons, and then the Dragon Ritual Drummers perform!  We also learned of a local drumming circle that we could almost WALK TO! Our drums will get much more use now!

This is RJ, my 2nd son

I love that my big boys inspired the little one :)

The BOYS are Hula Hooping! :)

Who doesn't like to be Painted?? She was sooo good!
Mom asked for her to take her time. Caitlyn sat for a good 30
minutes just enjoying being painted!!!

While the Dragon Ritual Drummers were performing my dearest friend Lynnie said "Bare that belly, I'm getting my paints!" She was inspired! Far be it from me to stop an artist when she is inspired! ;)
Lynnie is a true artist whose preferred canvas is the human body. She has spoiled me by painting my Baby Bump before. I would sit for her EVERYDAY if I could! She has a wonderful business: http://www.artful-body.com/  or on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Artful-Body/333397519584?sk=wall&filter=2 She can be found at all kinds of local festivals. She is also available for all kinds of events ;) Here are some pictures of the next THREE hours of painting :)

This is my favorite picture from the day,
wish Michael's head was not
chopped off! 

Inspired by the music! :)

What are you painting??? lol She was asked that
a 100 times!!!!

 While we were sitting there unfortunately the Drumming ended, but we were visited by many of the folk that had attended the festival. She was asked at least a hundred times... "What are you painting??" She kept saying "I'm not sure yet. I was just inspired!"  It was such a wonderful day! Wonderful environment, good friends, drumming, singing, and PAINTING!

Adding the dark Celtic swirls

Finished!

Beautiful Celtic Mandala Close up!

       Having my "Baby Bump" painted is such a beautiful way to honor both Mom and baby! It was truly a sacred process and I was Blessed in so many ways that day! I am loving Co-Creating my Life with the Lord, Lady, My Greenman, My Daughter and I. The surprises that come or way are beautiful and sacred. We are Blessed!

I love this picture. The smile is for Daddy Greenman,
who is taking the picture.

Be Blessed Dear Ones <3

We be Jammin

Ok. I have a new obsession... Making Jam! Actually, two years ago my friend Kelley started it by teaching me how to make "freezer jam". Then last year my friend Liz fueled it and we made more. My freezer still has Jam though and I wanted to make Jam like my Mother did! Yes I am proud to say I am becoming like my Mother :) I can still remember the day that we opened up her last jar of relish (grandma cried.)


But back to now... I decided this year I wanted to start canning for real... not have jars stored in my freezer but in my basement! I started scouring the internet for ideas and recipes. (Hello, my name is Heather and I am a Pinterest Addict)

So many of the recipes have a ridiculous amount of sugar! I found recipes to substitute sugar for fake sugar but I was still not satisfied! Ripe fruit does not NEED sugar! No wonder our country is full of obese people! I made one batch of Jam WITH sugar... there is ONE CUP of sugar PER JAR!  Needless to say I had a very hard time finding a recipe that would work. I was frustrated. Then at Walmart of all places, while scouring for small jam jars, I found this:
Ball make a low or no sugar pectin... new this year!!! OK! Now all I needed was fruit!


And this is where the tale begins... ;)
I recommend that when you wish to jam you get the right helpers...
First we started with Picking Blueberries!

Helpers are important!

But make sure they pick more than they eat!

Or Pick any at all! 

 We actually went home with almost 12 pounds of berries!

 Then we made NO sugar Blueberry Jam... here is a step by step:

1. Get your jars ready, cleaned and ready to fill.

2. Puree your fruit. I LOVE my food processer!

4. Constantly stirring add Pectin

3. Simmer on  Stove, add Lemon if called for.

6 .Ladle into jars without spilling on to pregnant belly.

5. Allow to thicken.

8. Place them in the fancy canning pot.

7. Tighten the lids.

9.  Allow to sit in boiling water for allotted time. 

10. Pull out and let cool on the counter for 24 hours. 

Kelley

So did I mention that help is awesome?? I actually had the help of my Son, my Greenman, my awesome roommate Jessimica, and Kelley (yes the one who started it all.) I am a firm believer in large projects need extra hands. We made 4 huge batches of NO SUGAR jam and one small batch of fully sugared jam. I am proud to say they ALL sealed properly and are now on a shelf with other jams I have made awaiting beautiful tags made with help by the lovely and talented Vickie Porter. http://inmyheadstudios.blogspot.com/

 I have already made Cherry Jam, Blueberry Jam, Strawberry Rhubarb Jam, and plan on making Peach Jam, Apple Butter and canning homemade Salsas from tomatoes and peppers we grew in OUR garden!!! I either picked or purchased the fruit from our Farmers Market too! Right now I am feeling very spoiled in life! :)

Be Blessed <3

Why? Woman need to love THEMSELVES!

***** WARNING this post has sensitive subject matter *******

Recently in my life a good friend of mine told me that she had been sexually harassed at her job. The worse part of it is that it went on for FIVE years. When it originally started she reported it to her supervisor and it was NOT addressed. He was "warned" and nothing else happened. He started dating the supervisor (or was rumored to) and then my friend felt she could not report it any more. She endured extremely lewd comments and actions for FIVE years because she did not think it would do anything and she was afraid for HER job. Recently this man went on vacation and SEVERAL woman stepped forward with reports of sexual harassment and he was fired. Even after all this, my friend was afraid he would be allowed to return to work!! Her job wrote her up for waiting so long to report it. I hope that it shows her how serious this situation is and that she was never as helpless as she felt.

A fourteen year old friend recently was raped. She claims it was consensual. It makes me sad and ANGRY that a fourteen year old would be approached by a nineteen year old in the first place. It breaks my heart that she thought she needed to have sex to feel loved. 

Two of my friends recently broke up with their respective boyfriends... each for the SECOND time. Both felt the need to return to the abuse they had left. I made one promise to write a letter of all he had done and all that she felt so I could smack her with IT when and if she ever tried to return. 

A person I follow on Twitter recently posted about being told all her life that she "is a nothing". This powerful, strong woman is amazing! but still... 

When you hear these things you start to BELIEVE them!!

I think what aggravates me the most is that we beat ourselves up as woman. I was raised at the tail end of the Super Mom generation. I went to school full time, worked full time, and was a Mom.... and got VERY sick as a result. My body realized that taking over 50 credits in school (I was doing my Doctorate and Masters at the same time), and working over 30 hours a week, did NOT add up to enough sleep time.  I pushed through ALL the warning signs my body gave until it gave out. 

I recently saw this powerful video: http://front.moveon.org/kate-winslet-i-dont-look-like-that-and-i-dont-desire-to-look-like-that/#.TkWGOcHmaOn.facebook

The worst part is... no one pushed me BUT me. I was proving something to the world that did not need proving! We are our worst critics, beat ourselves up the most, and are the worst at believing in ourselves. 

We need to learn to Love OURSELVES!!! I know that this is easier said than done... (HELLO... I was the woman willing to chuck it all last year). I have spent the last year healing, loving myself, and putting myself first. 

My GreenMan and I always say its amazing that we met at all... He had to meet a special woman, get her to agree to be a test patient for him, travel hundreds of miles with her, get invited to the Pagan gathering, and then show up! 

I always tell him... I had to be willing to take the time for ME... to take the time to heal. Yes, that meant learning how to make drums, taking the time to travel, accepting the trip... but ultimately if I had not decided I needed the time to heal and focus on me I would NOT be here today... and this little girl would not be kicking the laptop! ;) I am BREAKING this cycle!!! I will NOT pass this on to my daughter!!!

I  am in such a good space right now... but I CREATED this space, and work on it everyday. I had help... we all need help... so when I began to think of what I could do for these woman I care so much about I created a Love Thyself spell. 

I thought I would share it all with you. Its simple and can be repeated as often as you like. I made up bags with all the ingredients and the printed spell and handed them out to some of my dear friends... I may not be able to make bags for all the woman that read this but at least I can give them the know how ;)

Please know that YOU are special, that YOU are Beautiful, that YOU are part of the Divine, that you are LOVED <3 

YOU are Beautiful, YOU are LOVED, YOU are a daughter of the Goddess, SHE lives inside of YOU. As You LOVE others LOVE YOU more.

What you need:

pink candle
rose petals
rose incense stick
a lighter
best carried out on a Friday (but do any day that you need love)
Rose Quartz

METHOD
Focus and meditate on your intent
Make the pedals into a circle around the pink candle and light the candle
Light your rose incense stick
Really think off all the things you like about yourself and visualize these nice thoughts entering the candle and being pushed out in to the universe through the flame
Sit and focus on the universe returning this love thrice to you and healing every part of your body, mind and spirit. Repeat these words:

"I am part of the Universe,
I am wonderful outside and in.
I am special unto myself,
So let the love come in.
Negative thoughts, they vanish,
I now toss them out.
Negative feelings, be banished,
Let my love shine out."

Repeat 3-5 times.  Then say So Mote It Be.

Let the Candle extinguish itself if you can.

Carry your Rose Quartz with you knowing that it holds extra love for you from Me and the Lord and Lady
Now, do something special for yourself today
Treat yourself... you deserve it.

Please DO THIS!!! but also Please SHARE this... how nice it would be to share love with other woman and help break the cycle. <3

PLEASE remember ONLY you can let people affect how you feel... do NOT give them power over you!! YOU are a powerful, wonderful, special, beautiful part of the Universe... OWN it! <3

Be Blessed